porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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