Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
