I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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