There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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