I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ttyl tear gas
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
