We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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