i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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