I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
