sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
