The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
