Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
