she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
