Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
