marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
