Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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