i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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