I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
