Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
