We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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