i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize