We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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