My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
