What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
