She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
