I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
