had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
