Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
