Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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