dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
