Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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