It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The dick lei will go down in squad history
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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