And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
