highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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