THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
