I am puke
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
