I hate your face
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
