i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
