how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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