So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
