My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
