Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i out mim tonsoeep
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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