I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
