You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
