I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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