drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love having hate sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
