Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The air was thick with penises
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
