My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
