she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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