My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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