Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
