The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
